New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
