highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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