I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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