You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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