Where did you get a picture of my penis
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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