Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
