Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
