i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
