I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
