I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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