btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
