you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
