my vag is so smooth its legendary
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
