Swine flu. Run for my life!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
