I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize