trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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