wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
