I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
