His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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