She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
