Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize