I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
