Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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