You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize