she looked like the bat from fern gully.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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