You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
