Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
