Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
