remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
