I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
God I need to hump something, right now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
