Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
