I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
