pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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