OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
