Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
