new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
