I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
they're like a gay fantastic four
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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