i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
