You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
