I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He told me they were just razor bumps!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
