Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
