Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
