I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize