You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
