Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
