Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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