If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
