I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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