did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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