You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
