That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
