no, he came in my armpit
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
