uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
