The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
