what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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