btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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