So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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