I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
