Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
