How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is wine microwaveable?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
