He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
