She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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