So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
