Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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