Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
