Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
