also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
