My first STD was from a foam party
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do vagina's smell?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
