Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
