my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
