Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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