Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
