That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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