god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
