Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
