Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
