Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
