you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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