just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
