I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
