I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
