I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
