Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
