Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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