census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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