Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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