I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
