Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize