I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am naked and annoyed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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