He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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