Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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