Can i not drive my cunt home
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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