mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
