hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
