4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
