He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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