Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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