The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
