Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Shame - the story of my life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
