so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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