actually, I'm a sock model
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize