She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
