dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
