I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
