Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
