you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
