so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
