haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
